By Jaymee, mum of two
No one really prepares you for how much of motherhood happens in your head.
Sure, they talk about the sleepless nights and the nappies and the “you’ll never go to the toilet alone again” jokes. But what they don’t talk about is the thinking. The planning. The constant mental load that comes with just being “Mum.”
For me, it’s the quiet keeping track of everything... school notes, daycare snacks, immunisations, outgrown shoes, birthday party RSVPs, milk levels, emotional weather checks on each child, mental lists that never seem to clear.
It’s the invisible stuff that somehow feels heavier than anything I physically carry.
The Load You Don’t See
I didn’t even realise I was carrying it at first. It just crept in.
I stepped into the role of the organiser, the calendar keeper, the one who notices when we’re out of bananas, who knows which child won’t drink from the blue cup (but will happily sip from a chipped green one for some reason known only to toddlers).
And while I love being a mum... truly, madly ... I’ve also found myself standing in the kitchen some days, clutching a piece of cold toast, thinking, Why does this all fall on me?
How I Knew It Was Too Much
The moment it really hit me? When my partner said, “Just ask for help.”
And I nearly burst into tears.
Because asking for help means I have to think about what needs to be done, delegate it, explain it. And that’s the load right there. The endless managing and remembering. And it’s exhausting.
So, I’ve started making changes. Little ones. Slow ones. But they matter.
How I'm Slowly Putting It Down
1. Naming It Out Loud
I’ve started saying the mental stuff out loud. Like, “I’ve been across all the school admin lately, and it’s feeling like a lot - can we split it?” It’s not always easy. But no one can help carry the load if they don’t know it’s there.
2. Letting Things Be “Good Enough”
I’m learning to let go of perfection. Sometimes the laundry piles up. Sometimes dinner is toast. Sometimes I miss the email about hat day. That doesn’t mean I’m failing - it means I’m human.
3. Sharing the Mental Tabs
We now have a shared calendar and shared to-do lists. It sounds small, but it means the responsibility doesn’t sit only in my brain. My partner knows what’s coming up too - and that in itself is a game-changer.
4. Taking Guilt-Free Time for Me
Whether it’s a walk, a solo drive, or just a moment with a hot coffee that I don’t reheat three times... I try to give myself permission to take up space. To rest. To be a person outside of the lists and the logistics.
To the Mums Who Feel Like They’re Doing It All
If you're reading this and thinking yep, that’s me -please know you’re not alone.
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not being dramatic.
This mental load is real, and it is heavy.
But it’s not yours to carry alone.
Piece by piece, we can start to put it down. Or ask for help. Or at least say it out loud. That’s where I started .. and honestly, just naming it made me feel a little bit lighter.
You’re already doing so much. And that is more than enough.
—
Thanks for being here with me.
If you ever feel like reading more honest motherhood reflections or just want a reminder that you’re not alone in this wild ride, you can always find a little space for that here at the mumsie.
I see you. And I’m right there with you.
– Jaymee
Mum of Two, Mental Load Lightener (in training)
